Behind The Stake: Episode 2
by ChosenTwentyFirstCentury
Summary: 2nd part of the Behind the Stake series


Behind the Stake Episode 2:  
The Attack of the Fans

in Winter 2004

Once again I love Amber Benson. She's great so don't reply saying Do you hate her?. Don't take this seriously at all. It's just fun.

A short time ago  
In a studio that made many, many shows

The fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel grow restless in their eternal pursuit to interrogate member of the Mutant Enemy Alliance.  
To ease the growing conflict the Alliance organises for a select few of the Alliance to met the fans.  
These few, the cast of Buffy and Angel, bound together. To form a resistance to the growing number of fans.  
By appearing on a chat show they thought this a good tactic to win the Privacy War.

Host:  
Hello and welcome to what promises to be a wonderful and unforgettable night. We're live here in the sunny City of Angels for what fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel have been waiting for. My name is Jenny Taelia and our studio audience and literally fives of tens of people on the phone line who are ready and willing to ask the cast of Buffy and Angel their Question (Looks at the audience) Their one and only question. So with things all said and done it's time to bring out the people you've been waiting for. Some of the cast can't be with us right now for personal reasons ("I disagree" she whispers under her breath) but hopefully the will be able to join us as the show progresses. OK yes here they are… br  
Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy)  
Nicholas Brendon (Xander)  
Alyson Hannigan (Willow)  
Anthony Head (Giles)  
Emma Caulfield (Anya)  
Michelle Trachtenberg (Dawn)  
James Marsters (Spike)  
David Boreanaz (Angel)  
Charisma Carpenter (Cordelia)  
Robia LaMorte (Jenny)  
Mercedes McNab (Harmony)  
D.B Woodside (Robin Wood)

All walk out onto the stage. The audience claps, screams and when James and David come out the begin to wolf whistle even the host is in on the act. The all take their seats on the stage some of the cast sit down on sofas and bean bags. Robia LaMorte sits down on a leather bean bag and as she does it make a farting noise.

Robia:  
(Beep)ing bean bag!

Host:  
OK now every one is in place let's start with the questions. Now here're the rules. Members in the audience put your hands up if you want to ask a question and I'll come to you with a microphone. And you can speak away. People on the phone I will come to you some time but if you wanna ask you question at any moment just press the button on your phone and we'll patch you through. And remember we're live so keep 'em clean. OK I'll take the first question.

Several people hold up their hands.

Host:  
OK you first

Girl with Pink top:  
Hi I'm Alice. I travelled all the way from Alask… br  
Host:  
We don't wanna hear you life story just get on with it.

Girl with Pink top:  
Amm, Yeah my question is for Buffy.

Sarah:  
I'm going by just Sarah now. (Rolls her eyes)

Girl with Pink top:  
If you could play any other person on TV or film who would it be?

Sarah:  
Is that it?!  
Well I suppose it would be Wonder Woman. But as we all know that's just NOT possible is it, Charisma?

Charisma:  
Oh please! Like you had a shot. Miss I-Need-An-Entertainment-System-In-My-Room.

Sarah:  
Hey! I'll have you know that I've been in more (beep)ing movies than you have fingers on one hand!

Charisma;  
That much? WOW. Blows me right outta the (beep)ing water.

Host:  
Thank god we're on cable!  
Yes you there you're up.

Short Man;  
This is for Robia and Alyson How do you relax after a hard day at work?

Alyson:  
Well for Robia it's very hard for her to come home and relax after a hard day's work because she hasn't had a paying job since she left. Nobody wants her for (beep)s sake. She even begun to sell her things on Ebay.

Robia:  
Well…. I, at least I didn't get desperate and went to Sit-Com ville.

Alyson:  
Oh (beep) off! The only choice you hade was either McDonalds, Burger King, and Police Academy 8; In search of a good movie.

Nicholas; (To Alyson)  
By the way congratulations on getting that part in Nightmare on Elmstreet 10.

Alyson;  
Shut up. Shut up.

Host;  
Well that's that question answered… kinda. Is there any one on the phone who would like to ask a question? Yes Line 6… br  
Man on line 6;  
No put that away, don't let daddy have to come up there. Daddy's on the phone with friends.

Host:  
Yeah Right. Line6 are you there?

Man on line 6;  
Yeah, I'm here! My question is for any one;  
Am… did you make Friends on set?

Michelle T:  
No we didn't. ABC makes Friends.

James;  
I thought it was CBS!

David;  
Maybe it was NBC.

As soon as David speaks the audience claps and wolf whistles.

David; (In style of Elvis)  
Thank you very much.

Host;  
I think the caller means did you make Friends with each other on Set?

Robia  
Oh for god's sake. I know you're not in the TV business, but… br  
Alyson;  
… (under her breath) neither are you!

Robia;  
… but see we aren't Friends. We aren't Jennifer Anniston or David Schwimmer.  
I think you got the wrong show buddy.

Host;  
(beep) me! and I thought actors were smart.

Mercedes;  
(points at herself) Not this one. I'm just here to look pretty.

Sarah;  
And you can't even do that right.

Host;  
Moving swiftly on, to our next (beep)er… sorry next person.  
Yes, you lady! Lady. LADY WAKE UP!

Lady;  
Um… sorry. What?

Host;  
Oh forget it! Anyone else here, who's actually awake?

Man;  
Um Me.

Host;  
Go right on the (BEEP) ahead.

Man;  
Will there ever be a Buffy movie?

Emma;  
Not until we all get very desperate.

Host;  
Very soon then!

Robia;  
Not for me I'm finished with Buffy.

D.B;  
Why the hell are you even on this show. You were barely in the show.

Robia;  
And what you had the leading roll… br D.B.:  
(Disappointedly) Point Taken! Mama.

Host;  
Time for another question then.

Teenage Girl;  
What was it like playing a lesbian and having to kiss a woman?

Alyson;  
I'll assume that one's for me.

Suddenly there is a noise back stage. People are shouting. We can hear plates and glasses smashing. And a familiar voice saying "Let m out now, that's my (beep)ing Question." "Willow baby I'm coming and this time you shirt better not be bloodstained" A CRASH. And suddenly Amber Benson herself is on stage. Running like well a Hipo towards Alyson Hannigan. Alyson screams in pain as Amber's 350lbs body lands on her from a distance.

Amber;  
Just as I remember it. But not as bouncy. You need to fatten your self up a little bit. If you wanna join the lesbian United supporters club.

Alyson;  
What's that smell? Oh My God. It's not.. it is. Oh for (beeps)s sake. Her… it's dripping!

Amber;  
Oh well yeah. You know I'm very happy to see you again after all those hours in that cage back there. I was saving myself for you. Just until you're ripe!

Michelle T;  
That's wrong in so may (beep)ing ways.

Host;  
OK we've got time for 2 more questions before we have to go. So let's go to the audience and that woman over there!

Woman;  
My and my friends were wondering, How much did you get paid per episode?

Sarah:  
More than you! God you look (beep)ing awful. Maybe you should trade you food coupons in for some beauty tips.

Amber;  
Yes as I am of the Lesbo clan I can judge that you are half way to happy land and if you come round my place after. You legs will touch the ceiling and you will be in (beep)ing happy land. Oh I can't wait. Mines is more like a small potato what's your like. Is it small like a pea or big like an orange. Oh it dripped a bit for ya'.

Host;  
Holy mother of sweet crap. Even Playboy isn't this bad!  
One more question to go so let's go back to the phone lines! OK there a man on line 2 ready.

Man on line 2;  
Yeah hi my question is… br 13 Across, 3 letters long, female sheep.

Host;  
Oh for (beep)ing hell.

Mercedes;  
Buffalo.

Robia;  
Cat. No wait that's 4 letters. Sorry my mistake.

David;  
Urinate!

The audience screams and cheers shouting "That's right" and "Perfect". A tear drops from his eye and he hold his hands to his heart.

David;  
My fans. I love you all  
Urinate, Urinate, Urinate, Urinate, Urinate

David starts a chant of "Urinate, Urinate, Urinate" and sure enough 30 seconds later we can here 'water' dripping and in some cases flowing. From people

Host;  
My career is over. I can feel it in the water.  
Well thanks for joining in to night thanks to all our questionnaires and the cast, who without them this show will probably not be on the front pages tomorrow.  
Good bye, Good luck! I'm off to sit in a dark room for a few weeks.

END CREDITS ROLL

Amber;  
Come on Aly you're coming back to my place. NOW (BEEP)ER  
Do you want me to show you something?

Alyson;  
It really is like a small potato  
Holy (BEEP)!


End file.
